I feel empty, used up today. I have no happy thoughts, no worship or thank you's today..i just feel...I cant feel.
I've been listening alot to Kim Richey, which is soothing..and calming, but yet i still have this horrid feeling.
Well, it's not hard to see
Anyone who looks at me
Knows I am just a rolling stone
Never landing anyplace to call my ownTo call my own
Well, it seems like so long ago
But it really ain't you know
I started out a crazy kid
Miracle I made it through the things I did
The things I did
Someday I'll go where there ain't no rain or snow
Til then, I travel alone
And I make my bed with the stars above my head
And dream of a place called home
I had a chance to settle down
Get a job and live in town
Work in some old factory
I never liked the foreman standing over me
Over me
Oh Id rather walk a winding road
Rather know the things I know
See the world with my own eyes
No regrets, no looking back, no goodbyes
No goodbyes
Someday I'll go where there ain't no rain or snow
Til then, I travel alone
And I make my bed with the stars above my head
And I dream of a place called home
Kim Richey
-A place Called Home-
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Someday i'll go..where there aint no rain or snow...
I have no idea what-so-ever as to why im updating. maybe because...this is my own little private journal to God. because no matter what, at the end of the day..he's still there, even if im having a really horrid day (which tends to happen alot) I feel the warmth of love swell around my heart, letting me know.."Hey, it's me..dont be so uptight...Breathe, breathe and sit with me."
Well, Lord, you know that i am not the best christian in the world, and even the BEST one is guilty of sin. even the cleaniest of your stars are still sticks in the mud, yet..you take us all in, you hold us all so very high, because yes, we may all be stars...but we're all unqiue, and because of you, we shine twice as bright.
I guess, im just in really deep water, and a raft would be nice. something is wrong with my knee, and it causes great pain, and makes working for a living even harder. My car insurance is about to run out, and i have no funds to replace it, just small trivial things that add up, and make me feel like im eruptting like a volcano...or a falling house of cards.
Father, I thought of John Today. I still have the book he gave me. "To Own a Dragon" and it makes me smile. I wonder how he and his family are doing from time to time, keeping them in my prayers. I became friends with someone who is stronger in faith, and no matter how many times i beat myself down..He's always there when i need an ear. thanks for the mentor. :D
I also find how activly im trying to avoid any talks of Political discorse...because i find that if I speak to the wrong person, I could instantly explode, pointing my finger, and raising my fists. It's not fun. i know everyone doesnt share my views, so i just say nothing and walk away.
the aspect of Homosexuality and religion is not a very well mixed drink. in fact it might as well be Jonestown tea. it's still a hairthin line i continue to walk....because im still not strong enough to break at any side, not strong enough to just let go and trust in everything you do. so give me the strength to not hurt anyone verbially or physically, because at this moment in time, i dont need the added baggage to my concisince. and also, please give me more time..im sure i'll come around sooner or later.
this was a good entery, and i feel as if 80 pounds were lifted from my shoulders. i feel content, at peace just writing this. thank you for listening. I KNOW you have many problems and troubles to deal with in the world...but i wanted you to know I still keep you here with me.
:D
"It's not hard to see,
Anyone who looks at me,
knows im just a rolling stone."
Kim Richey-" A place called home"
Well, Lord, you know that i am not the best christian in the world, and even the BEST one is guilty of sin. even the cleaniest of your stars are still sticks in the mud, yet..you take us all in, you hold us all so very high, because yes, we may all be stars...but we're all unqiue, and because of you, we shine twice as bright.
I guess, im just in really deep water, and a raft would be nice. something is wrong with my knee, and it causes great pain, and makes working for a living even harder. My car insurance is about to run out, and i have no funds to replace it, just small trivial things that add up, and make me feel like im eruptting like a volcano...or a falling house of cards.
Father, I thought of John Today. I still have the book he gave me. "To Own a Dragon" and it makes me smile. I wonder how he and his family are doing from time to time, keeping them in my prayers. I became friends with someone who is stronger in faith, and no matter how many times i beat myself down..He's always there when i need an ear. thanks for the mentor. :D
I also find how activly im trying to avoid any talks of Political discorse...because i find that if I speak to the wrong person, I could instantly explode, pointing my finger, and raising my fists. It's not fun. i know everyone doesnt share my views, so i just say nothing and walk away.
the aspect of Homosexuality and religion is not a very well mixed drink. in fact it might as well be Jonestown tea. it's still a hairthin line i continue to walk....because im still not strong enough to break at any side, not strong enough to just let go and trust in everything you do. so give me the strength to not hurt anyone verbially or physically, because at this moment in time, i dont need the added baggage to my concisince. and also, please give me more time..im sure i'll come around sooner or later.
this was a good entery, and i feel as if 80 pounds were lifted from my shoulders. i feel content, at peace just writing this. thank you for listening. I KNOW you have many problems and troubles to deal with in the world...but i wanted you to know I still keep you here with me.
:D
"It's not hard to see,
Anyone who looks at me,
knows im just a rolling stone."
Kim Richey-" A place called home"
Monday, February 25, 2008
Oh Hell...
I threw out my Bibles. o_O;;
I AM the BEST CHRISTIAN IN THE WORLD!!!!!
*slams head on the desk*
I AM the BEST CHRISTIAN IN THE WORLD!!!!!
*slams head on the desk*
Well..../Open Letter to god
So this is my new blog, and it is for My Views on God, religion, and our lord in general. My struggles, my ups, my downs..and everything in between.
Where do I begin? Well
First of all to god...
Where did you go? Where did I go? where am I yet to go, and why do I get so angry at you? So many unawnsered questions that just leaves a taste of Ash in my mouth. I dont want to keep falling, which im sure you're aware of...But I dont know how to change either.
somthing sticks out in my mind so..vividly. I remember a couple of years ago when I still felt comfortable to go to church, me and a few others took a Trip to be baptizied. I remember a Friend Alicia getting baptizied, and coming up from that water reborn, with so much strength to let go of all she was, she emerged Bathed in the holy blood and was deemed worthy. I remember also..You speaking to my heart 'Ricky...My child, do not be frightented...take this great chance' and yet I couldnt bring myself to get into the water, allow a church elder to put me under and re-emerge someone...still the same, yet different. what would that mean? who would I be? there's simply too many Questions...and not enough awnsers.
There is a place I dream of at Night Father. Under the fading trees, where laughter and joy can be heard, where all of us Congregated to bask in your presence, Your light. I was happy then, at peace. It's been too long since I had any peace Lord. I was only known as a christian then..and only that. Im that no Longer.
Im a christian with a Problem...that most..dont understand, nor do they want too. two sides in a constant battle for my soul...The Christian, and The Homosexual.
I feel extremely Dirty for saying that sentance...but it's true. I want to be better. I want the church back, I want you back, no...I need you. Im just afraid..please, ease my mind. there have been a few of my brothers and sisters Who have passed Judgment On Me Lord..and im afraid of returning will cause major conflict.
We'll see if I have the courage to return to conneticut..to return to the church.
~I can't live this life,
Without you by my side,
I need you to survive,
So stay with me,
You look in my eyes and im screaming inside,
That im Sorry.
Can You Forgive Me Again?
You're my one true Friend,
And I never meant to hurt you'
~Evanescence-"Forgive Me"
Where do I begin? Well
First of all to god...
Where did you go? Where did I go? where am I yet to go, and why do I get so angry at you? So many unawnsered questions that just leaves a taste of Ash in my mouth. I dont want to keep falling, which im sure you're aware of...But I dont know how to change either.
somthing sticks out in my mind so..vividly. I remember a couple of years ago when I still felt comfortable to go to church, me and a few others took a Trip to be baptizied. I remember a Friend Alicia getting baptizied, and coming up from that water reborn, with so much strength to let go of all she was, she emerged Bathed in the holy blood and was deemed worthy. I remember also..You speaking to my heart 'Ricky...My child, do not be frightented...take this great chance' and yet I couldnt bring myself to get into the water, allow a church elder to put me under and re-emerge someone...still the same, yet different. what would that mean? who would I be? there's simply too many Questions...and not enough awnsers.
There is a place I dream of at Night Father. Under the fading trees, where laughter and joy can be heard, where all of us Congregated to bask in your presence, Your light. I was happy then, at peace. It's been too long since I had any peace Lord. I was only known as a christian then..and only that. Im that no Longer.
Im a christian with a Problem...that most..dont understand, nor do they want too. two sides in a constant battle for my soul...The Christian, and The Homosexual.
I feel extremely Dirty for saying that sentance...but it's true. I want to be better. I want the church back, I want you back, no...I need you. Im just afraid..please, ease my mind. there have been a few of my brothers and sisters Who have passed Judgment On Me Lord..and im afraid of returning will cause major conflict.
We'll see if I have the courage to return to conneticut..to return to the church.
~I can't live this life,
Without you by my side,
I need you to survive,
So stay with me,
You look in my eyes and im screaming inside,
That im Sorry.
Can You Forgive Me Again?
You're my one true Friend,
And I never meant to hurt you'
~Evanescence-"Forgive Me"
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