I have no idea what-so-ever as to why im updating. maybe because...this is my own little private journal to God. because no matter what, at the end of the day..he's still there, even if im having a really horrid day (which tends to happen alot) I feel the warmth of love swell around my heart, letting me know.."Hey, it's me..dont be so uptight...Breathe, breathe and sit with me."
Well, Lord, you know that i am not the best christian in the world, and even the BEST one is guilty of sin. even the cleaniest of your stars are still sticks in the mud, yet..you take us all in, you hold us all so very high, because yes, we may all be stars...but we're all unqiue, and because of you, we shine twice as bright.
I guess, im just in really deep water, and a raft would be nice. something is wrong with my knee, and it causes great pain, and makes working for a living even harder. My car insurance is about to run out, and i have no funds to replace it, just small trivial things that add up, and make me feel like im eruptting like a volcano...or a falling house of cards.
Father, I thought of John Today. I still have the book he gave me. "To Own a Dragon" and it makes me smile. I wonder how he and his family are doing from time to time, keeping them in my prayers. I became friends with someone who is stronger in faith, and no matter how many times i beat myself down..He's always there when i need an ear. thanks for the mentor. :D
I also find how activly im trying to avoid any talks of Political discorse...because i find that if I speak to the wrong person, I could instantly explode, pointing my finger, and raising my fists. It's not fun. i know everyone doesnt share my views, so i just say nothing and walk away.
the aspect of Homosexuality and religion is not a very well mixed drink. in fact it might as well be Jonestown tea. it's still a hairthin line i continue to walk....because im still not strong enough to break at any side, not strong enough to just let go and trust in everything you do. so give me the strength to not hurt anyone verbially or physically, because at this moment in time, i dont need the added baggage to my concisince. and also, please give me more time..im sure i'll come around sooner or later.
this was a good entery, and i feel as if 80 pounds were lifted from my shoulders. i feel content, at peace just writing this. thank you for listening. I KNOW you have many problems and troubles to deal with in the world...but i wanted you to know I still keep you here with me.
:D
"It's not hard to see,
Anyone who looks at me,
knows im just a rolling stone."
Kim Richey-" A place called home"
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2 comments:
thanks for the "howdy" at my blog. I think of you a lot because i see a new guy every week at church who resembles you. he converted partly due to the radio station and i had the privilege of baptizing him last month. so every week i think i see you and get ready to run up to you, but it's only your look a like.
i'd say "hang in there" but obviously Jesus is hanging onto you. don't forget that Vineyard church a couple miles away will give you a ride if you want it.
God is good
jpu
btw
you might enjoy a new book called the shack by william young. it's probably in your library. it's short too.
God is good
jpu
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